


Cutting Edge

by JauntyHako



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: M/M, Old World was up to some crazy shit, Taking it too far: Wasteland Edition, The dangers of faulty Hazmat suits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 04:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JauntyHako/pseuds/JauntyHako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The group finds out the Sole Survivor is circumcised. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cutting Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Filled for a prompt on the kinkmeme.

With four people present remembering the world pre-war sooner or later the topic always came back to it. Just like that evening, Andrew's ragtag bunch of misfits sitting together in the company of their illustrious leader, playing pool from a set that Andrew painstakingly brought together from every single part of the common wealth. He'd been so proud of his achievement, he demanded the group broke the set in that very evening. Under laughter and a pleasant atmosphere he taught them how to play and went on about how it used to be a bar favourite in the old world.

“Screw the old world.” Hancock said good natured enough. “This world has me in it.”

That assessment was promptly met with teasing about Hancock's ego which he took with a bow and a tip to his hat.

“He's right, you know?” Cait said from where she sat on her bar stool, nursing a beer. “Old world's got nothing on the new. They cut people's dicks off back in the day.”

Silence spread over the company. Then, as one, the group turned to stare intently at Andrew's junk. He stared open-mouthed at Cait, then seemed to realise what everyone in the room was wondering and blushed.

“Will you stop that! What the hell is wrong with you, Cait? Why would you even say- Hancock! You know it's not true. Tell them.”

Hancock shrugged.

“He's got a dick, I can say that much. But while we're at it can someone explain to me how Cait knows what pre-war dicks look like?”

Cait and Andrew fell in somewhat of an awkward recounting of a visit to the glowing sea that included, but was not limited to, a swarm of blood bugs, a pond that looked shallower than it actually was and two faulty Hazmat suits. The group listened attentively but soon came back to what originally brought it on.

“So what's this about someone cutting your di-” McCready searched his mind for a non-vulgar term for what he wanted to say. “Penis? Why'd someone cut it off?”  
“No one cut it off! Jesus.” Andrew said exasperated, still unnerved by his companions' refusal to look away from the bulge in his vault suit.

“It sure wasn't all there anymore when I saw it.” Cait said, immediately followed by an enlightened Hancock exclaiming: “Oh, that! Yeah, I noticed.” At Andrew's glance, a mix of horror and confusion, he averted his eyes, not able to meet Andrew's. To his left ear he said: “Never mentioned anything. Figured you'd tell me when you were ready. You know, because of the trauma and such.”

“Trauma? What trauma?” Andrew said and then realisation struck even him. “What, because I'm cut?”

“That's one way to call it.” Cait said.

What followed for Andrew was realising that among the many things lost to the new world, like baseball, the fizzle in Nuka Cola and television, the practice of removing the foreskin had also fallen somewhat out of favour. That was to say, it was completely unknown. He stumbled through an awkward explanation of what happened during the procedure and why most people chose to undergo it – or have their parents decide to have it for their child. Reactions varied.

“So you just do it for shits and giggles?” Cait asked, her eyebrows raised. McCready shared a similar sentiment.

“Why would your parents just cut parts of your di-penis off without even asking? That's horrible.” Andrew knew that look well on McCready. It was the “Thank God I didn't have parents growing up”-look and right now it was accompanied by the “I'm feeling protective over my private parts”-look.

 

“It's not like it hurts or anything. And it's a lot more hygienic. It used to be military regulation, in fact.”

That caught Danse's attention who, until now, had viciously pretended to be completely deaf for the last fifteen minutes.

“That does make sense, I suppose.” he said carefully. “We always have to remind our men to clean under their foreskin, too.”

“Doesn't negate the fact that there had to be risks involved in the procedure.” Preston threw in. “Even in the old world people didn't just perform surgery willy-nilly.” He paused. “Pun not intended.”

“Well, _I'm_ not convinced you're not just pulling our legs.” Piper said and that threw some of the companions, who'd taken Andrew's word for granted, off. 

“How do you mean, Piper?” Curie asked with that sweet undertone Andrew had come to recognise as 'raging-crush-on-piper'. Mr Vault-Tec had it, too.

“There is no way old world people just cut parts of people's bodies off for no reason whatsoever. You, Andrew, are making this up, obviously, because you don't want to tell us the _real_ reason you're missing … parts.”

To Andrew's horror several of his companions seemed to consider this argument.

“Why would I make this up? Jesus, just ask anyone, it's true.”

If he'd known what would happen next, he would never have said that.

 

“ _This is Travis 'Lonely' Miles with the latest news. Is there a conspiracy among the pre-war ghouls? Have we lived our lives not knowing what they really … hide? It seems so. A valiant band of companions, led by our daring investigative journalist Piper, has uncovered an old world secret held tightly by ghouls all over the Commonwealth. Dear listeners, you might want to cover your children's ears because this revelation is not for the faint of heart-_ ”

Andrew switched the radio off, at the brink of a nervous breakdown. After three days of non-stop harassment he finally had to take Hancock and go out on a mission, the purpose of which he'd decide on when they were there.

“I don't believe it!” he said, glaring at Hancock who only snickered. “I told them to cut it out after they started pestering Mr Vault-Tec about it. What has gotten into them?”

“Cutting it out seems to be more of an old world speciality.” Hancock said with a grin and a muffled laugh when Andrew threw his pillow at him. He had to get up and retrieve it, the sleeping bag uncomfortable enough as it was. 

“Relax, brother. This is going to blow over soon enough.”

Hancock shuffled over to Andrew, worming out of his own sleeping back and squeezing himself into Andrew's oversized one. Andrew welcomed him with open arms and open legs, pulling him flush against his chest and meeting Hancock halfway in a kiss. He pulled back, hands already roaming over Andrews body and said: 

“In the meantime, let me check out that rumour I heard about circumcision making you last longer in bed.”

 

 

 


End file.
